


Now I live in shadows

by rebelgirl_queenofmyworld



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Crests (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), F/F, Garreg Mach Monastery (Fire Emblem), Gen, Lysithea says fuck, Mentioned Golden Deer Students (Fire Emblem), On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Some Humor, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24498913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelgirl_queenofmyworld/pseuds/rebelgirl_queenofmyworld
Summary: Marianne's crest has always been a burden for her, but after meeting one of her ancestors, it becomes nearly unbearable.As of 10/6, on hiatus (sorry but I need to figure out where I'm going with this)(Title's fromFences by Destroy Boys)
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	1. A Song

Marianne woke suddenly. It wasn’t unusual, she had never been the best sleeper in the world. But this time it felt... different. She didn’t wake up by herself. Something else roused her.

She could hear something, but not really. She was surrounded by the nightly noises of Garreg Mach, Edelgard pacing in her room, messenger owls hooting, and Cyril sweeping the corridor. Her ears didn’t hear anything unusual, but she could feel something in her heart.

A song was calling her. A steady beat in time with her heart that felt so familiar. She had to get up. Marianne got up from her bed. She debated getting dressed, but now that she was standing, the song was more insistent.

She settled with putting her shawl over her nightgown and grabbing some discreet shoes. Not as protective as her usual boots, but definitely more convenient.

Her fingers gently opened the door of her room. She crept down the hallway, careful to avoid the slightly open doors of her classmates’ rooms. There was no need for this kind of stealth, but she could feel the song, even though it didn’t have any lyrics, telling her to be quiet, that no one should follow her.

Marianne didn’t have a clue where she was going, but somehow her feet knew the way. She allowed her feet to guide her, absentmindedly humming along to the song. It sounded discordant, like it wasn’t meant to be played out loud, but to Marianne, it felt oh so familiar.

While thinking of other things and thinking of nothing, she felt a hand grasp her wrist. She looked down. Cyril was next to her. He was sweeping the hallway, but somehow she forgot about him. 

“Hey! Marianne! Are you okay? You seem kinda spaced out.”

“Oh, yes I’m doing fine. Just heading down to Mercedes’ room to pick up some sweets she promised me.” The lie slipped easily from her lips. She could feel the song calling her from downstairs, stronger than before.

“Kinda late for that.”

“Yes. I forgot about it till now. W-well, I really don’t want to keep her waiting! Mercedes probably needs her rest.” The song was pounding in her ears. The drums pounded her temples. She had to finish this up.

With barely a goodbye, Marianne left Cyril and hurried downstairs. She walked briskly down the path, her nightgown floating behind her. The full moon’s gentle light was welcome on her skin. Marianne could feel her body responding to its aura. The song strengthened, the moon joined the sonata.

“G-g-g-ghost!!!!”

Marianne saw Lysithea, wide-eyed in front of the dining hall. Marianne realized that she did look rather ghostly. Her cloud of blue hair floated in the night, and her white nightgown fluttered around her ankles. She definitely had the look of a specter.

She would’ve stopped to comfort Lysithea, after all, mages have to stick together, but the song was calling her away. She continued walking towards the song. She eventually found herself outside of the monastery, beyond one of the many unwatched routes that led to the outside world.

She was lost in the music. Music only she could hear. Now that she was outside of the monastery, the song’s power overwhelmed her, filling her body.

Her limbs moved of their own will. Marianne’s fear spiked as she walked towards the Sealed Forest, but the song soothed her mind and extinguished her fears. 

She disappeared into the woods. She couldn’t hear anything else besides the song. The normal sounds of the forest were gone, replaced by the melody. She could nearly feel the beat through the soles of her shoes.

Dappled moonlight covered her arms as she continued. She kept walking and walking until she finally came to a glade. The song was so powerful here, she must be near its source.

Tears streamed down her face as she walked towards the source. She wasn’t scared anymore, just overwhelmed by the sheer power of the song, which no longer beat to just her heartbeat, but to hers and another.

The beast was peacefully standing in the clearing, waiting for her. His form was monstrous, but welcoming. Marianne could feel the age of this creature, and bowed to him once she approached.

He nodded his reptilian head sagely, he had been awaiting her arrival. 

“Young one, I can sense the blood in your veins. You are burdened with great power, a power you can never speak of.” He gently lowered his head, allowing her to see the imprint of her Crest on his head.

“You have the blood of the Beast, so you must have the burden of the Beast. No matter how far you run, your crest will continue calling for you. You must be ready.”

Marianne, whose tranced mind was foggy, thrust her hand out to touch the Crest on the beast’s head. She closed her eyes as their heartbeats slowly synchronized.


	2. A Beast

Lysithea had smacked Hilda in the head with a pillow to get her to wake up. Even though it was just a pillow, Hilda swore she could feel a bruise forming.

Before she could even brush her hair, the mage dragged her to the Golden Deer classroom, where the rest of her classmates had gathered. Most of them were still rubbing sleep from their eyes, but Lysithea and Claude were talking worriedly from the front of the room.

Of course it was them. Lysithea was an overachiever who spent her free time studying and Claude would stay up late into the night reading or making poisons. Yeah, they were weird.

Claude glanced over to Hilda and gave her a subtle smirk. She flipped him off as he herded everybody to the board at the front.

Hilda glanced around. It seemed like everyone was here, the Golden Deer house was its usual rainbow. Lysithea, Leonie, Raphael, Ignatz, Lorenz, and Hilda herself. Noticing an absence, she spoke up.

“Did anyone get Marianne? She might still be asleep.”

A chorus of no’s was interrupted by Claude.

“That’s why we’re here. Lysithea saw Marianne walking around the monastery. The thing is, she hasn’t been seen anywhere in Garreg Mach. We should probably go look for her. If she wandered too close to the forest, she might have some monsters trailing her. We’re doing this by ouselves because:

Teach is not a morning person and it’s not worth the trouble getting them up, and  
Seteth and the cult, sorry, Church of Seiros would never let us do this. We’d have to wait until morning, which is obviously not an option.”

After briefly explaining a plan, Hilda grabbed her usual axe and ventured into a sector of the woods with Lysithea. The mage was more than a little frustrated at being paired with the master slacker, which showed in the way she stomped through the forest.

Hilda twirled her axe and tried to warm up a little bit. She was hoping that she wouldn’t need to fight, but if she needed to, she couldn’t be a total failure. She attempted to strike up a conversation with Lysithea.

“Where do you think she is?”

“Well if she’s not in these woods I’m going to be furious.”

The little mage stomped forward, her foot landing in some animal’s burrow. Lysithea cursed as she fell forward. She sat up and gripped her ankle.

“Fuck I think I sprained it!”

“Aren’t you too young to say the F-word?”

Lysithea shot her a murderous glare as she moved her ankle. Hilda spotted torchlight in the distance and waved Ignatz and Raphael over. She asked them to sit with Lysithea as she finished looking through their sector.

Hilda continued to trek through the forest, humming some song Annette was singing in the greenhouse earlier. She stepped over a fallen tree and continued on her way. She stopped suddenly, her shoes digging into the soft soil.

She turned back to the fallen tree. The break was fresh. It had to have happened recently. Ugh, of course she’s the one who gets the lead and has to actually do something. Hilda groaned and followed a path of fallen trees before she stepped into a glade.

The full moon shone down through the sky. The trail of broken trees stopped here, but it’s not like there were anymore trees to break. Hilda leaned on her axe. There was absolutely no one in these stupid woods, just trees and more trees.

A soft breeze hit her back as a shadow overcame her. Hilda stumbled back when she saw the demonic beast looming over her. It wasn’t a typical bird or wolf. The beast was… a horse?? It was a physical embodiment of the kelpie spirits that Holst said lived in the lake.

Of course, that was probably just him being annoying, but the kelpie standing over Hilda seemed all too real. She readjusted her grip on her axe. The monster leaned forward, and Hilda pivoted and swung her axe as panic seized her. It wailed as the axe grazed its arm. She immediately felt horrible. Was this animal even aggressive? The beast backed up, and then bolted into the forest, its hooves thundering on the ground.

“This could get bad.” Hilda sighed and started sprinting after the beast. She could barely see its form rippling in the forest. Hilda quickly lost her stamina, but so did the kelpie. The animal panted as it reached another clearing. 

Hilda raised her hands in peace. She slowly approached the animal, glancing at the wound. Black blood flowed out of it sluggishly. The kelpie whimpered as she approached, but it let Hilda touch the skin around the shallow wound.

The moment Hilda’s manicured hands touched the beast, it wailed. She stumbled back as the moonlight seemed to envelop the animal. The forest glowed a blinding white, and then dimmed. Hilda rubbed her eyes as spots danced through them. 

She glanced up wearily, and saw a cloud of baby blue hair. “Marianne?!” She rushed over to her fallen friend. How the hell did she get here? And with that beast roaming, no less. Hilda gently transferred the girl from the cold ground to her lap.

Marianne’s brown eyes opened. She gasped slightly. She stared up at the moon in the sky; it was still as big as it was before. An eclipse of pink invaded her sight as Hilda leaned over her. Her pink hair brushed Marianne’s cheek like a feather.

With the little strength she had, Marianne lifted her hand to scratch her cheek. A sharp stab of pain caused her to look at her arm. A cut that she didn’t remember getting was leaking red blood onto her nightgown. Marianne looked back up to see Hilda’s pale face, frozen with shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain: Ok you have two works you need to update soon if you want to keep your posting schedule  
> Me: Seven Deadly Sins :)  
> My brain: I know you're stuck on FFD so you can work on the Hildanne one instead  
> Me: Disastrous Life of Saiki K :)  
> My brain: Traveling is not an excuse to watch Netflix instead of working  
> Me: Anybody else's fanfiction instead of mine :D


	3. A Conversation

Marianne tried her best to explain. It wasn’t going too well. Hilda stared at her as she tried to compress the wound.

“So you turn into a beas- uh animal now?”

Marianne nodded.

“I-I don’t know if I can control it. It’s so weird! That’s a terrible way to describe it but that’s all I can think!”

Hilda patted her shoulder. Marianne of all people shouldn’t have to deal with this. She was already delicate and the last thing she needed was turning into a beast. But Hilda didn’t have time for worrying about her, well, not now at least.

“We need to get our story straight. Let’s talk while we walk back.”

Officially, Marianne went walking near the forest and was chased by an equine beast deeper into the woods, Hilda wounded the monster and it disappeared back into the woods, but not before it injured Marianne.

Professor Byleth looked up at Hilda as she retold the story for what felt like the millionth time. They looked up from the report they were filling out.

“So you attacked a beast by yourself to save Marianne?”

“Yep, and that was about the peak of my fighting career so you really shouldn’t expect much more than that. I just did it to help Marianne and so I could get back to bed quicker.”

The professor nodded idly and Hilda took that as her cue to get going. Marianne was in her usual dim corner of the Golden Deer classroom. Before Hilda could strike up a conversation, her house leader gestured to her.

“Hey, Hilda! Come check this out!”

Claude introduced her to his newest poison, a powder that was a strong tranquilizer. She didn’t need his nerdy explanation. Lorenz was sleeping at his desk almost as deeply as Linhardt, snoring loudly in a very unnoble way.

“Claude? You frighten me.”

“Ha! Maybe that’s what I was aiming for.”

Hilda didn’t mind. Whenever Claude used his poisons on a classmate, he had good reasons. For Lorenz, it was usually because he insulted Claude’s mom, and Claude’s mom was a subject even Hilda didn’t dare touch.

Hilda glanced past him to Marianne who was sitting quietly at her desk, cradling her head in her hands. Her hair was messier than usual, and that was quite a feat. She’d need to check on her.

After a boring class that she mostly spent watching Raphael eat a whole bowl of soup (it was that boring), she found Marianne in the cathedral, praying.

___

Sothis, please,   
I don’t know what’s happening.  
Did everyone in my family become a beast?  
I can’t control it! I feel it lurking under my skin.  
It’s just waiting for the perfect time to emerge.  
Am I going to hurt everyone I love?  
I nearly hurt my classmates.  
Why do I have to live like this?  
Why did you curse me?  
What did I-

Marianne’s pleading was interrupted by a hand on her shoulder. She jumped forward, startled. Hilda stood next to her, staring up at the stained glass. Marianne breathed for the first time in a while. 

She reflexively stretched her legs, she could pray for hours sometimes. Hilda was talking to her, but she couldn’t pay attention. She was still hoping for a response from the goddess.

Hilda nudged her again.

“Hey, do you want to go out to the town? Get some dinner?”

She nodded silently. Hilda was one of her few friends. Marianne was already comfortable with Hilda, but ever since she learned about the secret, they were closer than they ever had been.

___

Hilda watched as Marianne picked at her food. Her dark circles seemed to be more severe than usual, and most of her hair was falling out of her bun, leaving blue waves hanging down over her face.

“I’m worried about you, Mari. I know you don’t sleep well already, but now are you even sleeping?”

Marianne shrugged and continued to play with her food. She briefly brought the fork up to her mouth, but Hilda noticed it was clean. Yeah, that would work with the other Golden Deer, but not her. She put her hand on the blue girl’s pale fingers.

Marianne looked up at her with an unusual amount of indignation.

“I-I don’t know why I came. This is not even under control. I could hurt you at any second.” Her brown eyes were glossy with tears.

“Marianne! It will be ok. We can figure this out together.”

“Um, I need to go.”

At a speed nearly equal to her beast form, Marianne ducked out of the restaurant and disappeared into the night.

___

She hadn’t been able to hold it back any longer. The kelpie galloped through the streets and into the forest.

It didn’t take long for it to wear off, leaving Marianne shaking with pain in the forest. She was hopeless, as usual. She could pray all she wanted, but she was just… cursed. Her future would always be bleak. Would she even have a future? One day, would she just disappear in the woods like her parents did?

Marianne brought her knees up to her chin. The beast was still simmering in her, right next to her heart. Tears that she had been holding in for so long came pouring out. She didn’t have a future. The beast was there, waiting to use her body as its own. It whispered into her ear, saying that Hilda only accepted her beast form because she would rather ally with such a powerful creature instead of fighting her.

Did she even understand? Hilda tended to focus on the mundane. She probably didn’t know the true extent of Marianne’s curse. If she did, she would probably abandon her and run back to Claude.

She blushed at her own thoughts. They weren’t even together! They were friends. Really, really good friends. Marianne always felt a stab of jealousy when she watched them hang out. It was so natural and free. Claude was charismatic even if he was a bit odd. The two social butterflies complemented each other, while Marianne was just Hilda’s pity friend.

She brought her hand up to her forehead. Why was she thinking like this? Hilda would never do that, right? 

Marianne shifted silently against the ground. She couldn’t face Hilda again. She should probably just sleep in the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is physically impossible for me to write a short fic. My summer job is screwing me over. The manager man doesn't understand that lupus doesn't give a shit about his schedule. I'm like "Sir this is a Wendy's drive-thru," (it literally is, this is my job) "stop cussing me out I'm sensitive. 
> 
> Anyways I needed to rant here. Enjoy your Hildanne angst crack and have a good summer.


	4. A Stone

Hilda stared at Marianne’s empty seat. That girl was barely in control. It frightened Hilda to see Marianne’s skin ripple like it did. She had to get to the bottom of this.

The next morning, Hilda had one thing on her mind: helping Marianne. The girl had stumbled back to Garreg Mach in the early morning, just before the sun came up. Seteth was beside himself and pacing in his office, which gave Hilda the perfect opportunity.

It started with Claude. She managed to corner him and get him to talk about his conspiracy theories about the various green-haired people in Garreg Mach. It was a perk of being one of the few people in Claude’s inner circle. She usually detested his theories, they always sounded crazy, but she needed to jog her memory.

“So, what is it about Seteth and Rhea that’s got you thinking?”

His green eyes practically lit up at that.

“My current theory is that they’re hiding something big. I can easily exclude Ignatz from the list, but there’s definitely something off about Seteth, Rhea, and Flayn. They are incredibly secretive about their ages. Jeralt even said that Rhea hasn’t changed in twenty years! I don’t think she’s aged well. I don’t think she’s even aging.”

“What are they, then?”

“Well, I was reading down in Abyss. Y’know, the shady place where Seteth hides ‘bad’ books? I found a brief account of something called a manakete. They’re shapeshifting dragons that live for thousands of years and surprise surprise, they’re usually green.”

Hilda laughed brightly. “Claude, you really sound crazy!” Her hope in her plan diminished. Claude’s theories tended to be somewhat right, but this was straight-up lunacy.

“I know! I know! You can dismiss it all you want but just let me finish. I wondered how they would be able to make such a transformation, and then I found out about something called a dragonstone. That’s the key. It controls all transformations. If I could find one of theirs, I’d be able to prove it.”

She had no clue if he was right or wrong, but she had the information she needed.

___

“Hi, Flayn.”

Wide green eyes look at her, confused.

“Oh! Hello, Hilda. Is there something you need from me?”

“Have you ever heard of a dragonstone?”

Flayn stiffened. “No I have not! I have no clue what that even is.”

The green girl sidestepped and continued to make her way down the empty corridor. Hilda hated having to manipulate Flayn, but she needed a dragonstone.

“Just hand it over, Flayn. I’ve guessed what you and Seteth are. I’m never too lazy to spread a good bit of gossip.”

Flayn’s eyes widened even more. 

Hilda continued on. “If you just give me a dragonstone, I will totally forget about that. You and Seteth? I won’t speak a word.”

The young girl sighed. “I sincerely doubt that you will not speak a word, but my opinion doesn’t matter in this.” She reached into the folds of her uniform and pulled out a small locket. She begrudgingly handed it to Hilda.

Hilda popped open the lock and examined to small green pearl sitting inside.

“Will you be okay without it?”

Flayn brushed a hand through her green hair.

“Yes. I have my own in my room. That one was my mother’s.” She looked down wistfully and started her journey down the hall.

Hilda watched her walk off.

“Hilda, please do not tell my brother about this. And do not break my mother’s dragonstone.” A faint glimpse of a smile flitted over her lips.

“I hope whoever needs this stone will find it useful. I will pray for them tonight.”

She turned a corner, and like that, she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil short baby chapter that's primarily exposition and Awakening references. I wrote this last night when I was on super crazy medicine. I'm tired, y'all.

**Author's Note:**

> I am alive! I've been in a bit of a rut with my other fic (five finger discount) so I am putting all my energy into this while I come up with a way to bridge to the next subplot. Sorry for the shitty tags and description, I'll update them later once I've got a better feel of this fic. I'll try to keep this one short, but we'll see.


End file.
